Gotta Hold On
by moonlite982
Summary: "You gotta hold on, hold on, Gotta hold on, Take my hand I'm standing right here" As Daryl goes through the grieving stages of Beth's death, he feels like he'll never recover. Through nightmares and harsh words that he regrets, he finds that he still has a family that's willing to fight for him even in the midst of devastation and heart break. *Short story dedicated to Beth, RIP*
1. Chapter 1

_**Hello everyone! Man, that mid season finale...was heart breaking. I hated that Beth went out that way but at the same time am glad she wasn't attacked by walkers or would turn into one. Still, I cried and am saddened very much so. Which leads me into writing this short story about the aftermath of what Daryl is feeling and going through. It's also a tribute to an amazing character and I write this love and respect. 3 **_

_**So this story is a short 2 shot story. It was going to be a one shot but I felt like I needed to break into 2 because it was too long in the beginning. so here is the part and the 2nd will be up either tomorrow or Thursday. Hope you like it!**_

"_You gotta hold on, hold on  
>Gotta hold on<br>Take my hand..."_

A sweet voice fills the hallways and I follow it. I've heard it before and pick up the pace. I'd know that voice anywhere. "Beth!" I call out.

"I'm standing right here  
>You gotta hold on..."<p>

"Beth!" I call out again and run faster, my heart racing with every step. I follow her voice around every corner and skid to a halt when I finally see her.

Blue eyes glance up and stare at me in a long hallway. She smiles at me and I smile back, running towards to her. It was such a relief to see her alive. We'd been through hell and back together and I'd never forget that she brought me through one of the darkest times of my life. She helped me heal and find closure. I owed her my life and I was willing to do whatever it took to get her back. Seeing her standing there with that smile, I couldn't get to her fast enough.

Finally I reach her and she hugs me tightly. I've never been one for words so I just hold her close. She buries her face into my chest and I close my eyes. But my gratitude is cut off when I feel her go limp in my arms and her touch is freezing cold. When I open my eyes, my heart stops as the bullet hole in her head comes to view. "No...no..." I feel like someone just poured a freezing bucket of water over my head. "Beth?" I gently shake her but she remains limp, blood soaking my shirt. "Beth!" I croak out as reality hits me hard. Then the tears come like a flood and a huge weight drops onto my shoulders as I scream her name. "Beth! Beth!"

"Beth!" I wake myself up screaming and gasping for air.

"Daryl?" Carol says sleepily as she rolls over and faces me with a worried expression. "Are you alright?"  
>I'm still breathing heavily as I think about the dream. Pain constricts my chest and I can't stop the damn tears from welling up in my eyes. Anybody else I would've waved off but it's Carol. She's one of my best friends. I can be honest with her. So I am as I make eye contact and shake my head 'no'.<p>

She sits up and scoots closer to me. "Was it the same dream?" She asks. I shake my head 'yes'.

"Every damn time I close my eyes that's how I see her. I can't get it out of my head." I whisper wearily. Carol gently grabs my arm and looks at me sympathetically. "It happened so fast...I couldn't do anything. I couldn't stop it..." I choke on my words, damn tears coming again.

"Daryl, it wasn't-"

"My fault?" I interrupt her. "Nah, she's the one who went in over her head. She didn't have to do it. She could've just traded Noah and been done with it. But she was too stubborn for that. Thing about Beth was that she could see the real person inside of ya, even if you hadn't seen it yourself and she wasn't afraid to call ya out. Just when I thought that was a good thing she pulls this shit." My voice catches in my throat and I swallow hard. "Stupid bitch." I mutter angrily and wipe the tears from my eyes then force myself to get up. I look up at the sky, the sun was just beginning to come up. "I'm gonna go hunt." I tell Carol and she just nods. It's one of the best things about Carol. She doesn't question my actions. She doesn't try to be a shrink. She lets me be and when I'm ready to talk, she's there. We only pry when we have too. That's just how it is with us. Always has been. Truth be told, she probably knows that nothing she or anyone else says to me can make feel better. It'd probably just piss me off even more. So why try?

I walk deep into the woods but I feel like I'm on a chain. Everything within me wants to run, to give up and say, 'to hell with it all!' and I wish I could. I'm done. Losing Dale and Hershel was hard enough and just when I thought things were looking up, we lose someone else. Sometimes I think it was easier to hate everyone cause this shit hurts far worse than anything else.

I take my anger out on a few squirrels and get them cleaned up in no time beside a creek. I lean up against a tree and look up at the sky, memories flooding my head. Some good...

We were hiding in the trunk of an old car while the walkers were passing and we decided to stay there. It was a tight fit but we made it work. Some time after the walkers passed, Beth must've gotten bored because she started jabbering away, even though I wasn't in the mood to hear it.

But she didn't care. Never did. Because in the middle of all the shit we were going through, after fighting for our lives and being crammed in a trunk, she chose one hell of a time to tell this story.

_In the little bit of moon light shining on her face, I glanced at her and she had this goofy grin on her face as she was remembering something. I was annoyed but she caught me looking so she started chatting away. "I remember when I was like twelve or so, there was a bad storm coming through and Daddy came in and told us to go down to the cellar and right after, the tornado alarm went off. So we went down and huddled all together and it was such a tight fit because we had like everyone and their brother down there. And my brother, Shaun, right before the tornado hits, gets this weird look on his face and he said, "You know, guys, I know this is bad and all but whatever you do, don't fart." And everyone just busted out laughing, even Daddy cracked a smile because he said it so seriously." Beth laughed and I couldn't help but snort and shake my head. Her eyes beamed in the moon light as she continued. "It didn't stop the storm from coming but it made it bearable. We laughed while holding on to each other and before we knew it, it was over. There was a lot of damage, we had to rebuild the barn but even though it was bad, it's still one of my favorite memories of them." She smiled then laid her head back against the car._

By then, Beth had given up on me saying anything and I didn't but what she didn't know was that I had listened to every word, even envied her carefree attitude. Yet at the time I was still too stubborn to let myself get too close. I was still hurting over the loss of the prison and people who I'd considered family. I don't deal with pain well. She saw that first hand which leads to the bad memories.

_"...No you don't get it! Everyone's DEAD!" I had yelled at her._

"You don't know that!" she protested, her strong facade breaking.

"Might as well be cause you ain't never gonna see em' again!" I bite back angrily. "Rick...you ain't never gonna Maggie again!"

A flash of pain came across her face but she shook it away. "Daryl, just stop!"...

I shake my head viciously and stand up. Some things I'd rather forget but I knew this wouldn't leave me the hell alone for a very long time. Regret was a bitch.

I walked and walked until the sun was beginning to get high in the sky. I hadn't realized how long I'd been walking until my feet took me to the very place I had vowed never to visit again. It probably was a peaceful place before all this but now it's just a grave yard. I was mad as hell that I ended up here. I just wanted to be done with it all. I wanted to forget. Yet as I stared at the hand made cross I was cruelly reminded that I made that vow over and over again and yet nearly every morning I ended up here.

I paced back and forth, not entirely sure what to do. Damn memories came back and I couldn't get her voice out of my head. It was torture.

"_What is it?" she had asked innocently._

It hurt to mention a loss and I wasn't her biggest fan back then but I still hated breaking the news. It was like kicking a wounded puppy. "Zach." Was all I had managed to say.

She knew what I meant and I could tell she wanted to cry, I expected her too but all she did was sit up and took a deep breath. "Ok." She replied shortly then got up and walked over to a sign that some sort of tally thing on it. Thirty days without an accident it had said but she took the three off and it became a zero. That was it? I had thought a bit bitterly. Someone dies, you mourn for them. It was just something you did. I must've given her a look because she looked at me and said, "What?" I shrugged, not knowing what to say. "I don't cry any more, Daryl. I'm just...glad I got to know him, ya know?"

Deep down I was still agitated but I nodded in agreement and said, "Me too."

She paused for a moment before getting a concerned look in her eye and asks, "Are you ok?"

It caught me off guard a bit but I just shrugged and looked down for a moment then answered her honestly. "Tired of losing people, is all."

She responded by hugging me, which I wasn't used to at all and caused me to stiffen underneath her touch. But I awkwardly tried to return it anyway and lightly put an arm around her. "I'm glad I didn't say goodbye...I hate goodbyes." She'd mumbled into my chest.

My chest constricted as I looked at the cross and thought about her words. "Me too." I mumbled the same reply I'd said back then. It didn't stop the pain. Didn't ease it one bit. Nobody was around so I let myself cry and no small crocodile tears. Nah, it was ugly fat tears followed by choking sobs.

I hated it. I hated that I could cry more for some girl I barely knew than my own damn brother. I hated that I had let her get close. It was one of the biggest mistakes I'd made in a long time.

"_I remember...when that little girl came out of the barn after my mom...you were like me. And now God forbid you let anybody get too close!"_

"Stop!" I scream as I clench my head between my hands, unable to get that fight out of my head. I look up and near a tree I can see her leaned up against it, a sad smile on her face as she looks at me. I stand up quickly and walk towards her. "Get out of my head!" I yell.

From behind I hear a familiar and annoying growl. Instinct tells me to react but I decide I don't care. Let the damn thing come. Right as I brace myself, I hear a gunshot right beside me that makes me jump and my ears ring painfully. I turn around quickly and down at the corpses. That was too close for comfort. I look to see who fired the shot and it's none other than Maggie. She looks at me with a horrified expression and I just stare back. She knows exactly what happened.

Her expression softens as she looked behind me at the cross and then back at me. "Daryl..." she starts but trails off, her voice cracking as she reaches out for me. I back away from her and try to give a look that tells her to back off but I can't so I look away and quickly walk around her and start heading back to camp.

Maggie followed after me and tried to keep up with me. "Daryl, we need to talk." she says.

"Ain't nothin't to talk about." I mumble.

"Oh there's plenty to talk about." she retorts as she stands in front of me with a concerned look. "What were you thinking?" she whispers.

I give her a hard look, my lip trembling. "Ain't no concern of yours." I reply then once again step around her.

"You know you're not the only one who lost her!" she calls after me and I look back and see a wounded expression on her face. "She was my sister." her voice breaks.

"Didn't seem like it." I snapped. I should've kept my mouth shut but I didn't and it's then that I hurried away from her because I knew I'd say something even worse if she kept up.

I make it back to camp, Maggie quietly trailing behind and when the group sees us, they immediately sense the tension. Rick steps forward. "Everything alright?" he asks hesitantly.

Maggie looks at me but she shakes her head. "Yeah." She whispers then takes her place around the campfire.

He raises his eyebrows at her but then looks at me. I don't answer, I just give him a long hard look and nod. He gets the message and nods himself then clears throat. "We're moving on. We've taken as much time as we can here but we can't continue to stay here. It's not safe out here, we're too exposed. We need to start moving and try to find another place." He explains his decision. I nod numbly and swallow. I didn't care anymore. Rick nods then announces to the rest of the group. "Start packing up the camp. We start moving in about an hour." They all agree quietly and we get to work.

Part of me was relieved that we were leaving this place. Too many memories. Another part of me didn't want too because it hurt. It hurt because it would mean that it was final. That she's gone and we would have to leave her behind. It was a weight that hurt like hell to carry.

As I packed up my backpack, my eyes catch sight of my crossbow and I remember the first time I tried teaching Beth how to use it and how to track. She was cocky in a funny way but she was determined to learn.

"_I'm getting pretty good at this. Soon I won't even need you at all."_

We never got to finish our lesson. I sigh as I pick it up and toss it over my shoulder. It seemed heavier than usual and became more of a burden. "Hey," I hear from behind me and look to see that it's Rick. "You alright?" He whispers.  
>I shrug. "Fine." I answer shortly.<p>

"Fine," he scoffs then gives me a serious look. "I'm serious. Are you gonna be alright to move on?"

I give him a hard look. "About as good as anyone right now. You said it yourself. Ain't safe to stick around." I say as I shove a knife into my belt.

"It's on us all, Daryl. It ain't easy, it never is, especially on the ones who were there." He sighs wearily. "But we have to get through this together. We still have people to look after and protect. We need each other now more than anything. Are you with us?"

I look down for the longest time, taking in his words. All I can manage to do is look back at him and nod. He offers a sad smile and a clap on the shoulder. "Hang in there, brother." He whispers sincerely then walks away.

The rest of the hour goes by fast and before I know it we're loaded up in the fire truck followed by another car we found. Nobody talks except for giving instructions. Eventually I fall asleep and once again I see her face. It's the same dream except more graphic and this time she was a walker. I'm jolted out of my sleep by Carol and Michonne shaking me awake. They both ask me if I'm alright and I shake my head yes but out of the corner of my eye I see them exchange worried looks. I just close my eyes and try to block them out.

It's like that for next few days and I'm reminded of the cold winter we'd spent out on the road after the farm went down. I lose a little more sleep each night and I become more and more secluded, even towards Carol. Maggie too. I can tell I struck a nerve the other day because all she does when she thinks no one is looking is cry. I should feel bad but I don't. I've gotten past the pain and am just numb.

When we finally ran out of gas, we traveled on foot. Everyone was still quiet with the exception of Judith babbling every now and then. My movements had become mechanical and I felt like the life had been drained out of me. Each day got a little harder, the dreams more terrifying and I felt like I was slipping away. I didn't know how to change it. I didn't know how to talk to anyone about it. I saw Merle a few times beating me up about it and cracking cruel jokes that made me lash out and made everyone around raise their eyebrows at me. They probably thought I was going crazy and to be honest I felt like I was too and I didn't know how to stop it.

Right now it was twilight, Beth's favorite time of day she had once told me. I had to admit, the sky was beautiful, another day I'd enjoy it but today it just made my heart heavier.

While Rick was giving orders to set up for the night when I once again a memory came up. I must've been thinking about it hard because I didn't even notice when Carol came over and sat down beside me. "Hey." She greets.

"Hey." I mumble back.

She sighs heavily. "It's probably a stupid question but how are you holding up?" She asks. I give her a look and she gets the message. "Thought so. Do you wanna talk about it?"

My mind begs me to say yes but I can't. "No." I whisper.

"Daryl, everyone's worried about you. _I'm _worried about you." she says sincerely. "You've got to do something about it."

I scoff. "Like what? Talk about it? Share my feelings? Is that who we are now?" I ask bitterly.

"Yes, it is, Daryl. We've all-"

"Gone through it. I know and you've all dealt with it on your own so why don't ya'll just let me be!" I snap.

Carol's expression becomes sad but just as she goes to say something Maggie comes up and that's when the war begins. "I want to talk to you." she says sternly.

My defenses come up. "I told you already. Ain't nothing to talk about."

She takes a step closer and I can see the tears welling up. "There's plenty to talk about. Beth-"

Even her name brings pain. "Stop." I warn but she shakes her wildly.

"No. We're losing you, Daryl. Everyone sees it. We're all worried about you. I know you're hurting-"

I hold up my hand. "I said, 'stop it!'" I raise my voice and point my finger at her. "You know if you'd worried more your own sister than you did everybody else she'd still be here!"

"Daryl!" Carol grabs my arm but I shrug her off.

"No!" I shout angrily then turn back to Maggie. "All you cared about after the prison fell was Glenn. You didn't give a shit about her!"

"That's not true!" Maggie protests, tears falling down her face.

"Not true, huh? I tell you in the cart that your sister's alive and you don't even mention her after that. You don't ask to go after her. You're too busy being stuck up everyone else's ass to care about your own kin. Then you could've stayed behind and looked for her but no, you decide to go to Washington with some idiot that had his head up his ass! You had all that time to go looking for her and you wasted it! It's your fault!" I yell angrily.

"Daryl! That's enough!" Carol demands as she wraps an arm around Maggie.

Maggie is sobbing by now and the rest of the group has crowded around, Rick included. Glenn sees her and wraps his arms around her, taking Carol's place and gives me a sharp look. Maggie looks at me with a guilty expression. "You're right. I should've looked for her." She sobs. "But I couldn't. I don't know why...but I should have. I...I don't know what to say. I'm sorry, Daryl. I'm so sorry."

I glare at her. "The person you should be apologizing to is dead." I say coldly.

Several people give me shocked and angry looks. Maggie crumbles in Glenn's arms. Rick looks at me and shakes his head in disapproval. "That was out of line." He says and a twinge of guilt hits me. Even I know I crossed a line and I feel guilty but I can't watch anymore and I head off into the woods.

Carol chases after me, calling my name but I ignore her, tears streaming down my face as I finally collapse to the ground. In the distance, I see Beth looking at me with a face that has disapproval written all over it. I'd had enough and I scream at the figure in front of me. "Get out of here!" I yell with the last of my strength.

"Daryl?" Carol calls out to me sadly.

I look up at her, tears flowing down my face, then I look back down. Carol is immediately by my side and wraps me in her arms. I don't return it and I don't fight it. All I can do is sob into her shoulder as she holds on to me. I don't know how long we stay there but she finally backs away after a while and faces me but before she can say anything, she spots something from behind me and quickly stands up. I hear it but I don't move. "Come on!" she whispers loudly but I still don't move.

Out of the corner of my eye I can hear the dead coming towards us and amongst them I see Beth and I freeze. I can't take my eyes off of her. "Daryl! Come on!" Carol shouts as she yanks on my arm but I'm still frozen in place. I can't breathe or think straight. They come closer and closer, all the while Carol is like background as I focus on Beth.

"_I'll be gone someday." She'd said that night._

"Stop." Pain hitting me at the thought of it.

"I will!" She insisted. "You're gonna be the last man standing." Just the thought of that made me sick to my stomach. It was the worst thing she could've said to me. "You are!" Her voice broke as she continued to look at me sadly. "You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon."

I never knew what she'd meant until it actually happened and the reality of it is a real bitch. "Daryl!" It hurt. Bad. Worse than the arrow going through my side. Maybe even worse than when Sophia came out of the barn.

"Daryl, damn it! Come ON!" Carol shouts into my ear as she jumps up to slay the walker in front of me. Someone from behind yanks me up and it's then that I realize we're surrounded and adrenaline sets in. I begin killing walkers left and right and look to see several others from the group helping out too. Rick appears to the right of me and he gives me a look for a split second then continues killing walkers.

After all of them are down, everyone was breathing hard and looking at me. Carol comes stomping up to me and nearly gets into my face. "What the hell were you thinking?!" She screams at me. "If the rest of them hadn't come we'd both be dead! I don't know what you were up to but whatever it is, don't make the rest of us suffer for it! We've been through enough." She tries to snap but her voice breaks and she stomps off back to camp. I realize that I messed up big time and I put everyone I loved in danger.

Rick looks at me with a tired expression and sighs. "What was that?"

I shrug and look down. "I don't even know." I reply quietly.  
>He takes a step towards me and lowers his voice. "Whatever that was can't happen again, Daryl. Think about the rest of us. Carol, me and Beth...I'm not stupid. I knew what you wanted to do." He pauses as he thinks. "When I lost Lori, I'd see her everywhere. The pain...it was unreal. Some times it still is and the only thing that keeps me going is my family. Now I am devastated over Beth. I hate what she did and I hate that I couldn't stop it. She was my family and I loved her but so is the rest of this group and I can't guarantee that we won't lose anyone else but I sure as hell won't hand them over either. You included." He looks a thousand years old but the determination that I always admired was still there. "No matter what you feel right now, you need to remember that you're part of the family and if we lost you I can promise that we'd feeling the same way you are right now. Beth wouldn't want that. None of us do."<p>

Rick's words make me think and I realize that he's right, which doesn't make it easier to swallow but it's time to be a man and face it. "Sorry, man." I apologize quietly and I mean it.

He squeezes my shoulder and nods. "Sleep it off, try to get some rest. We'll start over tomorrow." He says firmly then motions for me to go ahead.

When we get back to camp, it's quiet. Nobody says anything but I can read their expressions. Worry, fear, anger, pity, sadness, it's written all of their faces. I want to say something but I'm way too exhausted and need to just keep my mouth shut. I see Carol but she glares at me from her sleeping bag and rolls over. I hated her being mad at me but I knew I'd blown it today.

Hopefully tomorrow would be better.  
><strong><em><br>__To be continued_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hey! First off, I apologize for being late, I know I promised it like on Thursday but it just didn't happen due to work. Lovely, right? But I hope you like this chapter, there's only one more to go which I'm almost finished with so it'll be wrapping up pretty soon :) Thanks for reading!**_

It was a long night. I couldn't sleep and I laid wide awake thinking about what happened. How I froze and did nothing. How I almost wanted the dead to take me. I don't know why. I don't know why or how some girl could have that kind of effect on me. But the fact is, she wasn't some girl. She was Beth, a stubborn pain in my ass who got me to face of the painful parts of my past and make peace with it. She showed me that were still good people in the world. She changed my mind. When you find someone like that, you hold on to them. You treasure the time you have with them or else you'll end up taking them for granted. You let your guard down and that's dangerous.

And that's exactly what I did. I let my guard down. I was stupid enough to think we'd be alright. I didn't check for the walkers and then they just barged in. If it hadn't for me...then we'd still been together. She wouldn't have run into Dawn's group. She'd still be here. Over and over again, that memory stayed fresh in my mind, beating me up and playing different scenarios of how I could've changed it. It plagues me all night long, causing me to toss and turn. I never used to cry. I'd suck it up like Merle told me to and move on. Then he died, I cried for a while cause he was my brother. Now all this shit happens and I can't keep it together.

Finally, I give up and get out of bed and walk on the outskirts of camp. From the trees I see Maggie sitting at the campfire. She looks like me, sad, angry, depressed and just plain worn out. I felt guilty. I shouldn't have said those things to her and even though I normally would've just left it all alone, I know what it's like to carry the weight of blame and it sucks. I didn't know what her reaction would be but I still felt like I at least needed to try to make things right. Still, I can't bring myself to face her just yet so I turn around and nearly smack right into Gabriel. Clearly he didn't see me either seeing as he jumped out of his skin.

"Oh, forgive me," he apologizes yet relieved when he sees it's just me. "Eyes still haven't adjusted to the dark."

"Bit of a change, ain't it, Preacher?" I joke lightly.

Gabriel chuckles nervously. "Yes it is." he agrees solemnly.

"Can't sleep?"

He shakes his head with a sad expression. "Haven't been able to sleep peacefully since this whole thing started. Even more so since I lost my church." He looks down guiltily then back at me. "How about yourself?" He asks tentatively. I try to give him a warning look but I can't. Probably look pitiful more than anything. So I just try to relay the message as well as I can and he seems to get it. "I see." He nods in understanding then pauses for a moment before continuing. "The young lady that was killed...was she a close friend or relative of yours?"

"Watch it, Preacher." I warn wearily, my voice sounding grumpy and tired.  
>He nods then takes a step back. "I did not mean to overstep my boundaries, I apologize." He apologizes nervously then nods and turns to walk away.<p>

I sigh tiredly then suddenly speak up. "She was." I say after Gabriel and he stops, raising his eyebrows at me. "Beth and her family had been with us since shortly after the shit hit the fan. Her and Maggie's father, Hershel, was killed by some prick that attacked us when we were at the prison. It went down, group was either scattered or dead, Beth and I got out together." I explain briefly.

Grabriel's face falls. "I'm terribly sorry. A very tragic loss for you all, I can imagine." He whispers sincerely then looks down and remains quiet.

After moment pass by, I speak up. "What? No sermon? No pep talk 'bout how it's gonna be alright?" I ask bitterly.

He looks at me and shakes his head. "No, didn't believe it would do much good now." he says honestly.

"Ain't that your job? To have faith or somethin' like that?"  
>"You seem to misunderstand me. Yes, I am a man of faith. Yes, I do believe there is still good that can come out of this. And yes, I do believe that is still hope." Gabriel sighs tiredly and rubs his neck. "But if I were to be completely honest, Mr. Dixon, this day and time goes way over my head. There's so much tragedy and heartache and sin...I'm not quite sure what to do with it. The former life hardships seemed like a piece of cake compared to this, ya know? I'd do anything to go back. However, this is how life is right now and I have a feeling it's gonna take a long time before things straighten out again."<p>

"So that's it?" I ask is disbelief. "That's the end to your faith?"

Gabriel shakes his head wildly. "No, no. Despite my fear and doubt, I still believe. Because life...when you boil it down, the roots remain. Our choices, actions...in this time they purify and show the true condition of our hearts. That truth stands whether you believe or not. I believe that God is still the same as He was before and after the dead started walking." He looks down guiltily as he remembers some bad memories. "All things come to the light eventually. The Lord did so for me and I was so ashamed and fearful. When everything happened with your group, I feared it was the Lord punishing me. But now...I'm starting to see differently."

"What do you mean?"

He shrugs and thinks for a moment. "I was so damaged and traumatized and didn't have anyone before. Still am, to be honest. Yet in my recent lowest moments, your people, despite what I have done in my past, have helped me through. It shows me that perhaps there is still hope." he says gently then continues. "I believe that He is still the same and that He is still close to the brokenhearted and crushed in the spirit. I don't have answers or explanations for all this and I won't pretend to either. I don't understand why any of this happened. I don't understand the loss of good people." He winces then takes a deep breath. "All I have to my name right now is hope and my faith and I will hold on to it 'til the very end."

I have to admit, I actually listened to what the preacher was saying and internally admitted that I was wrong about him. He wasn't like all the other assholes who pretended they knew everything and all fire, brimstone and all that other bullshit. To a certain extent, he reminded me a bit of Hershel and though that stung a bit, it wasn't all that bad either. Least I could do was show a bit of respect and be civil. "Ey, Preacher!" I call after him and he turns around, his eyebrows raised. "You ain't as full with bullshit as I thought."

Gabriel laughs with a grateful nod. "I'll accept that as a compliment." He chuckles. "Thank you."

I snort and shake my head, slightly amused. "Night, man." I say quietly then turn around and keep walking around camp.

A lot of things kept my mind busy that night. Thought about Gabriel and his speech. Thought about Beth, Hershel, and all the others that we've lost. Thought about what I did today, over and over again and was beginning to question whether I had my head on straight. I was hurting, no doubt about that, yet I was selfish enough to think that I was the only one. I said things, did things I shouldn't have done. I hurt people more than they were already. I needed to get it together and I knew, despite hating apologies or confrontations in general, that I needed to apologize to Maggie. Rick was right, what I said was hateful and out of line and I needed to fix it.

I hear some rustling in the bushes behind and turn around to see the devil himself. "Hey," Rick greets softly.

"Hey." I mumble back, feeling a bit ashamed.

"Carol came clean and talked to me about what happened to the girls." He says sadly. I glance at him in surprise. She hadn't even told me yet.

"What happened?" I asked curiously.

Rick looks away, a sad look on his face. "Lizzie killed Mika. Carol had no choice but to put her down. She was gonna turn on Judith too." He explains sadly.

"Shit." I curse, another stab of pain hitting me for Carol. No one should have to do that, least of all Carol. She loved those girls like they were her own. She took them under her wing after their father died. I couldn't imagine the pain she was going through yet I was relieved that she finally came clean but then I remembered something. This was coming from Rick. "What are you gonna do?" I ask, remembering the last time Carol tried to do something for the good of the group and he ended up banishing her.

Rick sighs tiredly then shakes his head."Nothing." He answers. "We had a long talk about it...Lizzie was never in a right state of mind. She was given chance after chance to change but after she turned on Mika, just so that she could become a walker..." he trails off, biting his lip and looking real worn out. "Carol did what she had to do, I know it wasn't easy for her. I'm not really sure if anyone else here could've done that. She also saved us all and risked her own life in the process." He looks at me. "So the slate between us is clean, she's not going anywhere."

I let out the breath I'd been holding in, feeling extremely relieved. I'd lost Beth, I wasn't going to lose Carol too. I couldn't. If he'd sent her away, I probably would've been gone too. "Thank you." I say sincerely.

Rick nods then he looks at me and says, "Speaking of clean slates," he looks towards the campfire. "you need to clean the slate between you and Maggie. I talked to her earlier." He pauses, conflict written on his face. "She's hurting really bad, Daryl...I'm not going to justify either of you or take sides. It doesn't matter any more. What's done is done." he steps forward. "I don't want to lose any more people, you two included. I meant what I said yesterday and I'm asking you as a friend and brother, please, make things right."

It's been a while since I've seen this side of Rick. The peacemaker side, I mean. You look in his eyes and you can still see the man that's desperately trying to hold things together. Rick can and will fight for us. He's done everything he can, made the hardest decisions and continuously stepped up to the plate when no one else would from the very beginning. He hated losing people and he didn't hesitate to go after Beth and Carol when I told him what happened. He was prepared to put his life on the line them both and when Beth was killed in front of him, it must've felt like the rug was snatched out from underneath him again. Yet here he was, still fighting for us and still trying to make peace. The least I could do was be obedient and try to work things out.

So I straightened myself up and nodded in agreement. "Alright." I finally mumble softly.

Rick's shoulders relax and I can see the relief that washes over him. "Good," he says with a small smile then gets serious again. "I'm not asking to get over it, Daryl. Losing someone is always hard, especially when you've gone through hell and back to find them. I get that. But like I said before, the world is still the same. It doesn't give a break for a grieving process. We still have to be on alert to protect the remaining people we do have. I know that sounds harsh but-"

I hold on my hand and stop him. "I get it." I interrupt. "And it's not harsh. It's reality. If ya'll hadn't come both Carol and I would've been dead." I look away guiltily. "It won't happen again."

I feel his hand squeeze my shoulder. "We've all been there, Daryl. Don't beat yourself up over it." He says sympathetically. I nod and he claps my shoulder before we start heading to camp. Through the trees I find Maggie digging through a backpack with Glenn. Even from here you could see the brokenness on her face. It made me feel even worse.

"It's not too late to make things right." Ricks hints to me. I glare at him and he smirks. He wasn't going to back down until I did it so I might as well get it over with now.

I come slowly out from behind the trees and her head snaps up and I hold my hands up to show it's me. Coldness replaces the alarm on her face but it's also mixed with the same sadness I saw earlier. Glenn stands up protectively and steps in front of Maggie. "What do you want?" He tries to sound tough but sounds weary instead.

"I was an ass, said things I shouldn't have, came to make things right." I answer, shifting uncomfortably.

Glenn pauses for a moment. "I'm not sure if now is the right time." He says unsure.

I narrow my eyes. "We ain't got time to stay pissed." I glance past Glenn at Maggie. "I put my foot in my mouth and I'm sure you wanna put your foot up my ass. Go ahead. However, we still need to have that talk."

Maggie steps up slowly beside Glenn. "Let's go for a walk." She says softly.

Glenn gives her a worried look. "Maggie, are you-"

"I'm fine. It needs to be done." She interrupts him then looks at me. "Let's take that walk." She says expressionless then gives Glenn a reassuring look and heads towards the woods.

I follow Maggie and we walk in silence for a long time and I keep trying to think of what I want to say. My brain is a jumbled mess. Its hard because there's nothing I can say to take the pain away, especially when I'm still in pain myself. I was afraid that I'd just blow up at her and make things worse. But words still wouldn't come so we just kept on walking until we cross a creek bed. We stand there, staring at the water flowing over rocks, enjoying the peace. Considering the situation, the tension is pretty low. It calms my anxiety just enough to start a conversation.

"When Beth and I got out after the prison fell, I remember just running as fast as we could to get away from the walkers. Adrenaline kept us going for a while but eventually it ran out. We had to stop, settle down and make camp. Things got quiet and we didn't have a choice but to face what happened." I sigh, thinking about those days. "The difference between Beth and I was that she let herself feel. She wasn't afraid to cry or be pissed off. I just shut down. Was probably a real prick. I pissed her off a lot." I laugh dryly. "She had every reason and chance to leave but she didn't." Maggie listens tentatively as I continue to tell her about Beth and our time together. I told her the good and the bad and she listened, tears pricked her eyes and yet held a small smile on her face.

It was relieving to talk to her and fill her on what happened leading up to her disappearance. That was the hardest part to talk about. "Beth was bold, she always told me what was on her mind, even if it pissed me off. She pushed me to my breaking point but she also got me through some rough shit." I laugh as I tell her what happened at the house. "She was bent on getting her first drink, almost did it without me and got herself eaten."

"What was it?" Maggie asks curiously, speaking for the first time since we've been out here.

"Moonshine." I scoff and she wrinkles her nose in disgust.

"What did she think of it?"

"You should've seen her face." I smirk and Maggie shakes her head.

"Did she get drunk?" She asks amused.

"Shit faced." I answer and she busts out laughing.

"Oh Daddy would kill her!" She laughs hysterically but eventually her face falls and her voice cracks, tears beginning to fall. She coughs roughly then trying to compose herself, she tells me to continue. I tell her about what happened there, the talks we had and how we burned the house down. "I thought she was crazy at first but burning that shit hole...I don't know, just felt different after. Free, I guess you could say."  
>Maggie smiles watery as tears continue to silently roll down her cheeks. I didn't realize it but I was crying too. Especially when I had to tell about how got separated. That was when I started to feel extremely guilty and it was hard to tell her about what happened. It hurt like hell going through that and know that I was the reason she wasn't here right now. "We would've been fine...if I hadn't opened that damn door." I chew myself out angrily.<p>

"Daryl-" She reaches out but I yank my arm away.

"No!" My voice breaks and I feel myself crumbling. "I opened the door for a damn dog...I was stupid!"

Maggie stands in front of me. "Daryl, stop it! You made a mistake-"

"A mistake that got her killed. That's on me!"

"And I never should've let her out of my sight to begin with!" She yells back. "You were right...if I hadn't gone after Glenn I would've found her." she cries. "I didn't know what to do...I didn't..." she chokes on her sobs. "I was so selfish-"

"Stop!" I hold up my hand. "Whatever I said yesterday was bullshit-"

"No it wasn't," she interrupts back. "I have no excuse...she was my sister...I should've gone after her." She cries but then straightens herself up. "But I didn't and the other good thing about that is that she had you."

I shake my head. "No, I opened the-"

"I don't care if you opened damn door!" she yells frustrated. "Her time was already running out. Yet you gave her a chance to live. You gave her so much. Like her first drink...I never would've done that. I would've kept yelling at her and dragging her around to find Glenn." Her face softens. "I'm glad that you two got out together. She always told me that she wanted to live and make a difference. You telling me all this...it shows me she did." We're both falling apart and I can tell it's taking a huge toll on Maggie. "She still got her way in the end. She was brave...trying to save someone else and I'm...happy...that she went that way."

I can right through her facade and I can tell she doesn't believe a word she's saying. I give her a look and shake my head. "Maggie...stop." I whisper.

Yet she still tries to remain calm and strong as she continues to ramble on. "No, I mean it! I mean, she was gonna go die anyway...we all are...at least she wasn't eaten-"

"Stop!" I raise my voice at her, not wanting to hear anymore but she doesn't stop. But she's near her breaking point and so am I.

"She didn't suffer...it was only a second." A sob chokes her and when she continues her voice is squeaky and full of emotion. "That's good, right?...Right?" And then she finally breaks. She crumbles and starts pacing back and forth, crying loudly. The sight of it breaks me and I have to look away for a second.

I've never been good at comforting people. Ever. When it came down to it, it was always someone else comforting me. I sucked at having the right words. I was never the touchy feely person either. So I don't know what it was that made me go to Maggie and bring her into a hug but when she crumbled in my arms, I found that I was losing it too and I was fighting back my own tears. "Why?!" she buried her face into my chest and screamed. "Why did she have to be so stupid? Why did it have to be her?!" She cried over and over, screaming out questions that plagued my mind and would probably never be answered.

I hold on to Maggie as she releases everything that's been held up inside and eventually I let go, bury my face into her shoulder and cry too. Merle would probably give me one hell of a time about it if he were here, Dad too. But they ain't here and there's no one else here to give me a hard time so why not cry, scream and yell at how unfair this situation is? Sometimes that's the only thing you can do.

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><p><em><strong>TO BE CONTINUED! One more chapter to go :)<strong>_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Alright folks, here's the last chapter! Hope you enjoy!**_

It was probably another twenty, thirty minutes before Maggie and I sobered up enough to walk back to camp. We were silent, sad and worn out but at the same time, we'd done what we needed to do without killing or hurting each other any more than we had. Everything was out in the open and we both had understanding. I still hurt, we both do but at least we were able to mend some things up. Guess it was a decent start.

When we get back to camp, Glenn rushes to meet Maggie and she quickly runs into his arms. He holds her securely and eyes me curiously. After a moment, she lets go and glances at me. "Everything went fine. We're cool now." She assures him and he sighs relieved.

"Are you ok?" Glenn asks.

I'm silent for a moment as I think. "I will be." I settle with that as an answer. They give me a concerned look but I quickly dismiss them. "See ya'll later." I mumble but before I can get far, Maggie runs up to me.

"Wait!" she calls out and grabs my arm. I look at her, waiting for what she wants to say. "Thank you." she says in a quiet yet meaningful tone.

I nod, understanding what she saying with her eyes then walk back to my area of the camp. Once I get there, people avoid me like the plague but I don't mind it much. The day just started and I already feel exhausted. It's a hard decision but if I keep going like this, everything I said and did earlier ain't gonna mean shit. So after I make sure everything is secure, I go back to my sleeping bag and close my eyes for a few minutes.

I dream about her again. Yet it's not brutal. It's not about her dying. It was relieving all the times we'd spent together. It was strange how in the moment that didn't seem like a big deal, how important tiny details were. Like how she spoke and carried herself and little stories that I thought were stupid at the time. All of it I cling too and its burned into my memory. You really don't know the effect the person is going to have until they are gone.

I remember the songs she sang. Simple little folk songs I probably would've found annoying if it hadn't been her. Yet I remembered them. For once, remembering those memories weren't as painful as they used to be. In a weird way it was slightly comforting. But I find out quickly that those feelings were in my dreams when I'm finally awakened from my sleep.

"Daryl? Daryl!" Carol's voice abruptly wakes me up and I nearly jump up, ready to fight but she immediately calms me down. "It's ok. Rick sent me to wake you up." she explains and I look at the sky and see that it's nearly sunset.

"How long I been out?" I ask curiously.

Carol shrugs. "A few hours. Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty." She teases as I rub my eyes.

"Why'd ya'll let me sleep that long?"

Carol dismisses me with a wave. "Things have been calm. No sign of any walkers. Rick, Tyreese and Michonne walked down about a mile or two and found a few working cars which is why I woke you up. We're gonna head out soon."

I nod while wiping the sleep out of my eyes. Noticing this, Carol asks, "Did you sleep well?"

"Better than I have in a while. Don't know why though considering I've been sleeping so well." I say sarcastically.

"Is that a sarcastic remark, I hear?" She teases. I snort, shaking my head. You know you need to lighten up when sarcasm is taken as a good sign. She chuckles. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Don't you got some bags to pack or somethin'?" I tease back.  
>"Yep." She says as she throws a bag at me which I catch easily. "And so do you."<p>

I roll my eyes. "You're a real pain in my ass." I grumble, making her laugh.

"Come on." She says as she throws me another bag and a few herself.

"Any idea where we're headin'?" I ask curiously.

She shakes her head no. "No, Rick said we'd drive until we found a place to stay for the night, somewhere safe. Then we'd sit down and actually talk about where to go next."

"Alright. As good as plan as any." I shrug and follow Carol as we start packing the bags.

I lug one over my shoulder and goes to as well but her cry of pain makes me drop all my stuff. "You ok?" I ask worriedly as she holds her ribs and wheezes.

She winces as she nods. "Yeah, just need a minute." She gasps as she tries regain her composure.

"The hell you carryin' in this thing?" I tease as I lift up the bag. It takes me by surprise at how heavy it is, even for me and I glare at Carol. "Jesus, Carol, no wonder you're hurtin' over there. What the hell made you think you could carry all that?" I scold.

"It's fine." She tries to reassure.

I scoff. "Yeah, you're just peachy." I say sarcastically as I reach for her arm but she yanks it away.

"I said, 'I'm fine!'" She yells stubbornly then goes into a coughing fit.

"Alright, sit down before ya hack up a lung." I instruct and she glares me but lets me lead her to a log to sit down on. She winces in terrible pain and I see her hands begin to shake.

"Thought this was getting better." She wheezes as she leans back and closes her eyes. "Don't know why it still hurts so bad."

"Yeah that falling off a bridge then getting hit by a car had nothing to do with it." I mumble half sarcastically, half serious yet she slaps me regardless.

"Smart ass." She grumbles and I smirk then sit down beside her. "Don't, I'll be fine in a minute."

"Whatever." I dismiss her as I continue to sit then seriously add, "You know, you ain't as strong as you think you are."

"Neither are you." She spits back and I'm taken aback before I realize we're not on the same page.

"Not what I meant."

"I know." She replies with a challenging tone.

"Stop it." I warn and we hold each other's gaze for a moment. "Ain't tryin' to start nothin'. You'll never get better if ya keep tryin' to haul heavy shit like that." I try changing the subject.

"Neither will you." She says again in a softer tone with genuine concern in her eyes.

"Damn it, knock it off!" I shout unexpectedly and she flinches. I sigh then grab the bag Carol tried to lug around and then with my other hand I try to haul her up but she winces and I back off.

"I'm fine, don't worry about it." She breathes heavily as she forces herself to get up. I roll my eyes at her stubbornness but look just in time to see Carol nearly pass out. I quickly drop the bags and catch her but she flinches away from me and yells, "I'm fine, Ed!" We both freeze and look at each other in shock. Never had that happen before...Realizing what she'd said she looks away in shame and sits back down. "Sorry." She apologizes softly. "So much for starting over."

I immediately feel bad and sigh, rubbing my neck. I knew how she felt. "It ain't easy. Not somethin' you just...'get over'." Carol closes her eyes, obviously remembering some stuff.

"Thought I did," she whispers. "I was fine...I was good at pushing the memories back, tried to convince myself that I was stronger than that but being back at the shelter reminded me that it wasn't my decision to leave him. If it'd been left up to me I'd stayed with him, even if he joined another group-"

"Stop." I interrupt her and I can see the tears in her eyes. "It hurts like hell, I get it. Hell you saw what I did, I followed Merle cause he was family. I realized that the people around us, like Rick, Beth...you, were closest thing that I ever had to a family. It's why I came back. It's why you came back. They weren't just some random people to survive with. They didn't give up on people like us." I look down. "Guess that's why it hurts so damn much when we lose someone."

Carol sighs and nods. "It wears you out, losing so many and then wondering if it's worth the pain of losing them to stick around. That's why I was at the car that night you found me. I told you I didn't know what I was doing...I still don't."

I think for a while, not knowing what to say other than nod in understanding. After losing Beth I knew exactly what she was feeling but I couldn't bring myself to just leave. We needed them and they needed us. The only other option would be to opt out but I can just see Beth slapping me upside the head and giving me a lecture at just the thought of it. I clear my throat and finally say, "Just gonna have to find out I guess."  
>Rick comes up, getting our minds off the difficult discussion. "You two alright?" He asks concerned. We nod and mumble a short answer. "We're about to head out so we can try to figure out what's next. Ya'll ready?"<p>

We both nod, picking up our stuff. I hand the heaviest bag to Rick and take the other two, leaving Carol with a small tote that I could carry with my foot. She gives me a look and I smirk then walk ahead.

At the road, Rick gives instructions and leads us. True to Carol's word, we start walking about a mile down. Tyreese takes the lead as Rick hangs back and walks with me. "That nap do ya any good?" He asks, trying to make small talk.

"Guess so, haven't tried to kill myself or anyone else yet. Still early though." I joke lightly, making Rick smirk.

"Suppose that's a start." He says. "Maggie says you two talked. Said that you two worked things out and everything is fine between you now." He gives me a grateful look. "Thank you." He says, knowing I'll understand and I nod.

I think about our talk and a small pain ripples through me but it wasn't as bad as I expected it. "It needed to be done." I mumble then look at Rick. "Like she said, we worked it out." I say meaningfully.

"Takes a lot of guts to do that. I know it wasn't easy." He continues.

I shrug. "Don't have time to be saying stupid shit."

"Yeah, I learned that one the hard way." Rick says and I look and see a somewhat guilty expression on his face. He sees me looking and dismisses me. "Ain't worth bringing back up. Regret can eat you alive and kill. Can't take anything back. All you can really do is try to make peace with it and do your best to make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Sound like the preacher back there." I joke, making Rick laugh.

"Yeah, well, some of the things he says does have some meaning to them." He says.

"Do you think he's gonna last long?"

Rick shrugs. "Don't know. If he trusts us and his instinct that's buried somewhere then maybe. Either way, I hope so. So far, he ain't as bad as I thought." He replies.

"What about Noah?" I ask, suddenly remembering him.

"Seems be alright but still keeping a close eye on him. He hasn't done anything wrong by me so he can still if he wants as of right now. I know he said he wanted to see if his family had made it. Might take that into consideration when we discuss what to do next." There it is again. That small piece of Rick that still comes back to the surface every now and then. The part that still cares.

"What makes you wanna do that?" I ask curiously.

He's silent for a moment as a flash of pain crosses his face. "Beth." he says shortly, his voice catching. "It's what she would've wanted to do. She gave her life for him so she must've thought he was worth it. If we're able to do it we should. Least we can do is try."

My chest ached at the mention of her name but more so of what Rick wanted to do. It was honorable thing even though it was risky and I know Beth would've appreciated it. "It's still who we are." I finally say, knowing he'd understand.

Rick smile lightly then claps me on the shoulder. "Thanks again. We're almost there so I'm gonna take the lead with Tyreese." He says then walks ahead.

The rest of the way I small talk with a few people. It's not much but they're used to me being short. Probably relieved that I'm not snapping anyone's heads off. I'm thinking about Rick's plan to get Noah to his family but I can't help but fear if that'd just make things worse if they weren't alive. I used to be furious with Noah, wouldn't talk to him at all because he was the reason that Beth died but I have to remind myself that that wasn't true. He tried to make things right, it was Beth that made the wrong move. How I wish I could've stopped it...

Michonne comes up next to me with Judith asleep in her arms and walks with me for a few minutes in silence before finally speaking. "You're in pretty deep thought over there." she starts. "You ok?"

"Ok as I can be." I answer shortly.

She nods then we lapse into silence again before a smirk appears on her face. "I remember that I used to be kinda hateful towards Beth. I was to everyone but with her, it just felt wrong. She'd look at me with those big blue innocent eyes and I couldn't help but be softer around her." Her smile disappears as she looks at me. "It wasn't 'til later that I realized how strong she was. That she wasn't just some kid but a fighter." I keep looking straight ahead, listening but not able to add anything. "I didn't realize how much of a void she'd leave. I didn't think it'd ever happen but now...it's just weird."

"I did...realize it, I mean. Fought like hell to make sure it didn't happen but it did anyway." I say a bit bitterly. "Hershel, Dale, Beth, hell even Bob, people like that...you notice when they're gone. They hurt the most."

"I understand." She looks at me. "We all do. The question is how are we gonna take what we learned from them and put into practice?"

"Ain't sure we can in this world." I mumble somewhat morbidly then add, "But we can try. Somethin' we figure out on the way."

Michonne nods, smiling a bit. "Yeah." She whispers in agreement as Judith wakes up. "Good mornin', Sleeping Beauty." she coos to the child, who rubs her eyes and looks around.

"Hey, Asskicker." I greet and Michonne wrinkles her nose.

"You poor child. I feel bad you have such a naughty nickname" She gives me a scolding look.

"What? Asskicker? Nah, she earned that title."

Michonne snorts. "Earned it? Should she feel honored that Mr. Daryl Dixon himself gave her such an honorable title?" She replies sarcastically.

"Better believe it." I nod to Judith. "Ain't that right, Asskicker?" I say playfully to the baby who smiles widely and giggles in response, making both of us laugh.

Up ahead we finally arrive at the cars and start loading them. After we're done, a few of us agree that we'd wait 'til we find a house that would sleep us comfortably and be safe for us to rest for a couple days before we head out again. We needed the strength and ability to be alert if we were gonna go after Noah's family. He hadn't said much since we buried Beth, he was on autopilot like the rest of us, only speaking when being spoken too. I didn't say much to him, had no reason too right now so I didn't worry about it.

I find Carol, who's leaning against a car. "Be nice to ride in a car for a while." I point out. "You alright?"

She nods "As long as we don't haul ass over any speed bumps I should be fine." She smiles lightly.

Once we get everything loaded, Rick steps up into the back of a truck and clears his throat, gaining our attention. "We're just about ready to head out but before we do, I got somethin' I wanna say." He looks away for a moment, a sad look crossing his face but then regaining his control and taking a deep breath, he begins. "There's no denying that we've recently lost a lot of people that were close to us. Those who were at the prison, maybe even from before that know who I'm talking about. But even if you don't know, you know the sad fact is that the greater the bond, the greater the loss. These people were our family regardless if it was blood or not. They gave us hope, strength, helped us keep fighting yet at the same time helped keep our sanity. So what do we now that we've lost most of them?...We take what we learned from them, what kept us going and we live not just for them but for ourselves. We've all changed and honestly I'm at my point where I'm just done giving out second chances and done trusting outsiders. Yet at the same time I want to carry a small of them in me as I suggest the rest of you do." He looks at me then to Maggie before continuing. "That all sounds nice and easy but the truth is, it's not. We're out here on our own. There's no grief counselors, no therapists, there's hardly any time at all to grieve at all yet it's not impossible to move. Beth...I miss her like crazy. I wish more than anything that she could be walking with us, cracking jokes, singing ol' folk songs, bouncing Judith on her hip and just being...Beth." His voice cracks and I look for a brief second and see Maggie in tears. "She was living proof that life could still go on. She held on instead of giving up. Let her life be an example to all of you who feel like giving in right now, who think that life's not worth it." He pauses for a moment, thinking of his next words. "From this point forward, the slate is clean. We move on not forgetting our loved ones but in honor of them. I encourage you to keep that in mind as we move forward. It's not gonna be easy, it never was but it ain't impossible. We'll get through this and we'll come out stronger." He concludes his speech then jumps down. "Let's head out!" He announces loudly.

Yet before anyone does anything people either hug or clap him on the shoulder. Maggie is one of those people. Rick hugs her tightly and whispers something into her ear which she nods too and hugs him back then wipes away her tears and gets into a car. I go over next and he acknowledges me with a nod. "Didn't know you were a motivational speaker." I tease.

Rick breaks into a grin and shakes his head. "That was my side job." He teases back, earning a smirk from me. "But I meant it." He says seriously.

"I know." I reply softly. "Ain't bullshit either. Needed to be heard." I say sincerely.

Rick nods. "Beth believed in us. She fought long and hard for what she believed in. I want to honor that." He says determined.

"Me too." I say with the same determination.

Rick smiles slightly. "Let's get to it then." He says then tosses me the keys to another car and gets into the truck next to us.

Maggie, Glenn are in the backseat followed by Carol in the passenger side. I slide in next to her and crank the car then follow the others as they pull out. Maggie and Glenn pass out within a few minutes, leaving Carol and I in silence. I think about Rick's talk, how it was a bit cheesy but still held truth and sincerity. I still think about Beth but instead of the painful memories flooding in or just the good ones, I think about the peaceful ones. Rocking Judith to sleep, humming while cleaning or cooking, sitting by the fire with a content look on her face that I didn't get considering all the hell we'd been through, laying in the coffin, listening to her play the piano, just moments like that when the world allowed us to breathe.

Here, in this car, was one of those moments. The situation didn't change. I wasn't over her. It still hurt to think of her. The only difference was that it was peaceful just enough for me to breathe.

After a while, Carol breaks the silence. "What did you think of Rick's talk back there?" she asks casually.

"Think it changes my answer to our question earlier." I reply.

"What is it?"

"Yeah." I turn to her and answer her honestly. "I think it's worth it."

Carol holds my gaze for a few seconds then says with a faint smile, "Me too."

And with that, I turned my gaze back to the road and briefly focused on the sun breaking through the clouds. The further we drove, the more I let a song by an old friend's voice fill my memory and for that moment, everything was fine.

_Oh you got to __  
><em>_Hold on, Hold on __  
><em>_You got to hold on __  
><em>_Take my hand, I'm standing right here __You gotta hold on_

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><p><strong><em>THE END! I hope you guys enjoyed it. I apologize for the really depressing moments but I felt they were needed. Probably doesn't hold up to the shows standards at the end hey, it's fanfiction! And again, this is dedicated to Beth. We love you, dear. Thank you for being an awesome character! You will be terribly missed 3<br>Please review! :)_**


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